IDENTIFYING "AS" BIPOLAR

If I were an alcoholic at an AA meeting, I might begin by saying “Hi! I’m Ruth Ann Manning, and I’m an alcoholic,” or “I’m Ruth Ann and I have an alcohol substance abuse problem,” or simply, “I’m Ruth Ann Manning and I suffer from alcoholism.” I would not say “Hi! I’m Ruth Ann Manning and I’m alcohol!”

Or I might say “I’m diabetic,” but not “I am diabetes.” Or I have coronary artery disease with a quadruple bypass grafting (CABG),” but NOT “I am CABG!”

So why do I say “I AM bipolar” instead of “I’ve suffered from bipolar disorder for over 40 years,” or “I have bipolar I disorder.” What might seem a slight difference, or nuance, has defined who I am for the past forty years, not only for me, but also for everyone, in a position to know, who interacted with me on that level.

That being said, this terminology is so deep-seated I sometimes slip and use that designation. In addition, sometimes I use even worse non-PC language such as nuts, wacko, berserk, nervous breakdown, or even crazy (to which my psychologist strongly objects). But I will not use the label the divorce attorney called me during a custody hearing in 1990. He tried to rattle me on the stand and cause me to “lose it'' by repeatedly calling me a “maniac depressant,” but I didn’t fall for the bait!

My diagnosis and sometimes psychosis invaded my ordinary life, transcending roles such as bipolar mother of 2; bipolar grandmother (Meemaw) of 4; bipolar founder and CEO of ApoCom, a biotech software company that developed and marketed DNA sequence analysis software worldwide; bipolar national laboratory scientist; bipolar supercomputing consultant for some of the fastest computers in the world; bipolar market analyst for a small investment startup for which I was a co-founder; bipolar university, community college, and HBCU mathematics professor, and more.

Once I had 4 technical jobs simultaneously. My convoluted career path was definitely related to the mania of my bipolar disorder. Suffice it to say “It's a conundrum to explain how I could have been so successful in my career, if you compare that timeline side by side with my mental health history.”

I should mention that my career was interrupted in 2000, when I became disabled because of bipolar disorder and diabetes. I haven’t had a real paying job in over 20 years! I’m not going into details here about my professional life, but you can read my detailed CV-style profile on LinkedIn (ruth-ann-manning). It was obviously written when I was in a manic state.

Ruth Ann Manning, PhD

July 19, 2021